Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
