Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
