My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
