Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
