O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
