it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
