Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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