Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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