at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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