The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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