well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
