I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
