You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
