i permit you to call me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
