am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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