I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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