Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize