a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
