how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
