the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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