Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
it's like iHOP with fire
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
