well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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