you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
