Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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