I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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