Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
