And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
