i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
