Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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