just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
