Got a toothbrush?
Fuck appropriateness.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
