ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
