Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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