I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
