I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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