Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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