Jerry, you need to find god
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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