I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
