so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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