Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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