Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
