my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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