Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
