i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
