Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
