I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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