Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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