I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
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Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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