So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So squirting runs in the family.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
