I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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