You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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