I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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