It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize