planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
