My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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