Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
