Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize