matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
