Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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