Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
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There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Someone came in the potted fern
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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