I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
