I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
