I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
