How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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