Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
