Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
