wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
