I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
