Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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