If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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