Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize