Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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