how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
