my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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