Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
