toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
