I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
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I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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