fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
