Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
