Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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