For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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